One's Origins

We often hear that eye contact is an essential part of effective communication.  I had always thought the importance of this was limited to demonstrating confidence as a speaker.  I am not referring to public speaking, but simply one-on-one dialogue.  Most of us might agree that eye contact when speaking can add credibility to what you are saying.  By maintaining eye contact with your listener, you are sending a visual message that you fully believe what you are saying and that you stand by it.  This does not mean that lack of eye contact implies doubt, but there is significantly less power in words sans eye contact.

On Sunday (10/25) I posted an article on twitter that was in the Philadelphia Inquirer that gave praise to the management style of Phillies manager, Charlie Manuel.  In making comparisons, one sports journalist referred to the late Bill Walsh (former SF 49ers coach who took the team to three Super bowl wins). Bill Walsh was once asked why he choose Joe Montana who at the time was not highly regarded coming from Notre Dame.  Bill Walsh reportedly said, “Too many people looked at his arm, I looked into his eyes.”

I share this because for me it points to a benefit of eye contact that might often be overlooked.  As a listener, if are able to maintain eye contact, we might be surprised to learn what the speaker is really trying to say if their words on their own merit are coming up short.

The bottom line I think, is that eye contact helps communicate authenticity on both sides of the conversation. And that is critical in establishing a key foundational element in all relationships – trust.

I recently completed a short yet very intense (many long nights) engagement for a client with whom our team had constructed a portfolio optimization platform several months earlier. This initial project was a great deal of fun for me in that not only did I learn many new things, I also had the opportunity to interact with people in the highest offices of this company – including the CEO.

Fast forward a few months and we are called back to help modify our model inputs for the new fiscal year’s planning. The initial project took about 5 months, which included construction of the model framework from scratch.  Our task now was simply to assess and modify the inputs through a series of interviews – obviously muss less time would be required.

We were called in to commence this exercise about two weeks before a final presentation was to be delivered by our client to their executive committee. Only one of my colleagues was on-site for the first few days and I was asked to join him for the next four. Upon completion of my contribution, my colleague remained fully engaged for the remaining 5 days or so. (By fully engaged, I mean 12, 14 or more hours per day.)

Here begins my life’s lesson from this experience. It took me no time to express my opinion that we were not managing client expectations well. I got the impression that when the client said jump we were merely asking how high and that we were not giving any attention to the art of expectation management. It quickly became apparent that not only would herculean efforts would be required to deliver on time but there was no room for anything to go wrong.  (And we did contend with a very significant technical problem which brought our efforts to a halt for several hours.)

I shared my sentiments with my colleague and realize now that I had become a complaint in the matter.  I do believe in the risks inherent in over-promising.  Hindsight I believe provides a picture of how this could have been managed more effectively from the beginning.

What I lost sight of was the power of what we were accomplishing – nurturing and strengthening a relationship.  I still contend that coming in sooner than two weeks before presentation delivery would have been much more appropriate. That aside, our commitment to help our client construct a meticulously detailed presentation has undoubtedly helped solidify our position as the “go-to” team for their needs in the areas in which we specialize.

I claim no credit for myself in our success here beyond my own effort in compiling new information. I have learned (again) that showing up as a complaint in the matter (even though in private and not hostile) was not responsible action. We demonstrated to the client that their interests where at the forefront. And we operated consistent with that. There is a fine balance between nurturing and strengthening a relationship by getting the job done and making promises and sacrifices that risk comprising one’s own needs.

I have much to learn about maintaining balance in this area and I am grateful that I had this opportunity to help me grow.

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Often (if not always), fear or attack is the reaction of not completely understanding something.  So too it is, I believe, in the debate over healthcare in the United States.  Opponents to public system (the majority of whom reside within the political party with which I am registered) speak to it as it is pure socialism and goes against the grain of what puts the U.S. out and apart from the the rest of the world.  Our current healtcare system make us stand alone already – and not in a flattering way.

Also, has not a social option to education (that would be all public schools) been around in this country for a while.  Is that socialism creeping in?  Of course not.  It is not without its quirks – nothing is perfect, but we believe in an educated society, one in which we all contribute to and appreciate the social and civil benefits.  Why then do we resist a platform that promotes a healthy society?  Left alone in the private sector, profitability will determine who lives and who dies.  Would we accept a society void of public education where profitability determined who was to be schooled and who was not?  I would think not.

Sunday’s Philadelphia Inquirer had an opinion piece that made me ponder the inclusion of parts of a system that appears socialist into a capitalistic society. (http://bit.ly/2kdAmh)  I am a capitalist at heart and have full faith in the markets (sans expensive safety nets that prevent us from ever realizing self correcting markets operating at their best – but that’s another discussion).  Still I can’t help but wonder why components or variations of this could not peacefully exist in a capitalistic society.

Why are real life or death decisions made with an eye on profitability?  Human life is too often measured in dollars and that seems shortsighted (and immoral) to me. I am somewhere between Immanuel Kant and Utilitarianism. And the moral way can, in the long run, also be best for the greatest numbers.

Well, after months of preparation and attention to every imaginable detail, the 2009 Chasing Daylight Tour is in the history books. And, the memories and relationships will be around for a long, long time!

Chasing Daylight Tour is an eight day bicycle tour each September to raise money for the American Cancer Society in Memory of Eugene O’Kelly, former CEO of my former employer, KPMG. Mr. O’Kelly was a strong advocate for work/life balance. In the spring of 2005 he was diagnosed with brain cancer and was given only a few months to live. He authored a book about winding down relationships and the experience of preparing for the end of one’s life. The title of the book is Chasing Daylight.

Each year, Chasing daylight tour travels through a different region of the United States. 2009 was a visit back to the east coast beginning in Montvale, NJ and finishing eight days and about 675 miles late in Virginia Beach, VA.

2009 marks the fourth year for the Chasing Daylight Tour which began with two cyclists in 2006 and has grown to over 30 in 2009. To date, nearly a quarter million dollars has been raised for the American Cancer Society through the Chasing Daylight tour.

I have had the wonderful privilege to a part of the organizing committee for the tour and I already look forward to taking part in planning and participating in Chasing Daylight Tour 2010.

Please visit the tour’s blog at www.chasingdaylighttour.com for more information.

Thank you for your time. Have a great day!